I told my friends all about you.
An idol. An artist. A boy. Just another human among the nearly 8 billion others on the planet. However, you helped me live. And not many idols, artists, boys, or people in general are capable of doing that.
We were both 17 going on 18 the first time I learned about your name and face, but I wasn’t interested in you yet back then. I met you again when we were both 18 going on 19, because you popped up on my Youtube homepage; that was also the first time I saw your performance video. It’s safe to say that I was enchanted by you right away.
We were both 19 when I realized you’re not going to be some idol who I’ll like for a little while. Right there and then, I knew you have a special place on my heart and you’re not leaving there anytime soon.
All the little things around me that remind me of you start to make me feel giddy. Seeing your face once on my phone was enough to make my day a little bit better, no matter how much shit I'd faced that day. I start to associate you with all of my favorites—books, movies, and songs.
There’s this particular line from a song that I really like.
I’ve been sleeping so long in a 20-year dark night,
And now I see daylight, I only see daylight.
Daylights, by Taylor Swift.
I was 19 when I fell in love with you. Maybe I’m a little bit luckier than her because my dark nights stopped a year earlier than hers. I never listen to this song without thinking of you since I became a fan of yours. You always pop up in my mind, even when I don’t intend for it to happen.
I never stopped gushing about this song to my friends; of how it perfectly captulates the kind of love that I feel for you, the feelings that I want to capture to you but can’t find the right words for it, and how it made me feel like I’m full of love — something that I never thought I’m capable of before.
Just a few months before, they would say, “You’re just 19.” But it doesn’t matter, because no matter how young I am or how old I get, you will always mean the same to me; a daylight that lights my life, which used to be filled with dark nights.
Exactly one month ago, I turned 20. And now, a month later, it’s your turn to welcome the big milestone. Being born in the same year as you, living in the same era as you, and being able to experience what it's like to grow as a person at the same time as you — despite the fact that we live in a completely different world — taught me that the little things are truly worth appreciating.
I’m not very good at dealing with or expressing my emotions. Emotions frighten me because I despise being vulnerable. Despite this, you made me feel all of the emotions that I used to avoid feeling, and I couldn’t have asked for a better wish than to be able to tell you about it all.
I used to be terrible with words, but because of you, I worked hard to improve my writing so that I could form better sentences and express all of my feelings for you perfectly. Because the only way I can communicate with you is through words.
That’s one of the many proofs that you inspired me in so many ways. I see the world in a different light now. I like life a little bit better. I began to love myself more. I began to appreciate what I have more. I became less scared to feel my emotions because I knew if it was you, I would be safe.
All of that is because of you.
I might be here on your 20th birthday, but I don’t know if I’ll be there on your 40th, 60th, or even 80th. But even then, I wish you well. I hope you are always happy—as happy as you were when you were 20, or maybe even happier.
I’ve said I love you a lot of times before, so now, I want to say thank you.
Thank you, for pursuing this dream and making it possible for me to learn about your existence. Thank you, for not giving up. Thank you, for staying kind despite all the hurdles that came your way, because that also motivates me. There’s no reason to stop being kind.
I learned the hard way that life isn’t easy, let alone staying alive. So, thank you. For staying alive.
Thank you, for becoming my daylight.
Happy birthday.
